Gift Your Galentine A Penis Pillow This Valentine's Day - Why? They're Girth It
War, terrorism, Trump - can't we all just get a-schlong on the day of love? Now we can. Gift superstore, Firebox, have dropped Pierre The Penis Pillow in time for Galentines Day this 14th February - and we can't think of a better gift for the guy or girl in your life than this girthy little guy.
The penis-based plush is nearly 12 inches of weird chode-like cuteness. He's just as cute as a beanie baby and way cuter than the real thing.
Cuddle him, rest your head on him on the bus or gently caress him at your desk so your colleagues are forced to contact HR to voice serious concerns - the possibilities for penis-based fun are endless.
Considering he scored a whopping 4.8 out of 5 in over 2600 customer reviews - he must be doing something right.
You can buy Pierre The Penis Pillow, £14.99, on Firebox.
Speaking of penis-based gifts: Lush's latest Valentine's Day collection pays homage to the modern world of dating with peach and aubergine-shaped bath bombs.
But if you're not sure how the purple vegetable ties into the world of love, the aubergine emoji is often used to represent a penis and if used with the squirt sign it means sex (cheeky).
While Lush was being pretty tongue-in-cheek with the collection, it has led to a few people expressing their concerns over people using the aubergine as a dildo.
One person voiced their concerns on Twitter. They wrote: " Okay but did lush really think this through? There is gonna be at least one dumb*ss that tries to use that eggplant bath bomb as a dildo.
"Like come on. It's gonna happen [sic]."
Okay but did lush really think this through? There is gonna be at least one dumbass that tries to use that eggplant bath bomb as a dildo.- JayLynnExperiences (@JLExperiences) January 3, 2019
Like come on. It's gonna happen.
But before someone actually tried to insert the bath bomb, a doctor issued a warning which they probably never though they would need to do.
Speaking to Metro, Dr Vaness Mackay, spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, said: "We would strongly discourage the use of bath bombs internally as these could disturb the fragile balance of good bacteria inside the vagina.
"This natural flora helps to protect the vagina and disrupting it could lead to irritation, inflammation and infection, such as bacterial vaginosis or thrush.
"Women are advised to use plain, unperfumed soaps to wash the area around the vagina (the vulva), not inside it, gently every day."
Basically, just don't put the bath bomb anywhere but in your bath water.
If you want to pick one up for its intended use, then they are £3.95 in-store and online.
Featured Image Credit: Firebox