Nowadays, it seems there's a term for absolutely anything and everything that happens in our relationships. If someone abruptly stops talking to you, it's 'ghosting'; if they suddenly reappear in your life, it's a 'haunting'; and if someone keeps messaging you while remaining on the lookout for other people, it's 'benching'. Urban Dictionary is having a field day.

But have you heard of 'hyping'?

First coined by sex and relationship blogger, Vix Meldrew, the term originates from the role of the 'hype man', who helps to warm up the crowd in rap and hip-hop gigs before the main act comes on.


And, just like a 'hype man', someone who 'hypes' a partner in a relationship spends weeks, months, or even years helping to 'build them up' again, either after a bad break-up, or because of low self-esteem issues, only to be promptly dumped, before they settle down and find true love almost immediately with someone else. As Meldrew puts it, it's being 'the one before the one'.

Now, to begin with, I wasn't too sure about this word, for very similar reasons to the fact I think we should stop using the term 'friend zone'. After all, why should helping someone get themselves into a better place automatically result in a lifelong relationship? Obligation is no basis for love.

But for anyone who has ever been in this position, you'll know that it can be incredibly hurtful. You've seen someone's innermost insecurities and patiently helped them to work through them, only for them to decide that although you've equipped them with the tools for a lasting relationship, it's not you that they want it with. It's hard, and it leaves you feeling that, if this person is ready and committed enough to love someone else like that, you must have done something wrong.

But you haven't.

Making someone feel better about themselves is never going to be a failing on your part, but in some cases, what can happen is that the person you're with becomes so 'hyped' about themselves, they think that they can do 'better'.

Relationships are a two-way street and if your partner isn't helping to pick you up when you're down, or allowing you to share your problems, then they may not see you as equals. And that's when 'hyping' happens.

Chances are, most people aren't entering into a relationship simply to have someone make them feel better about themselves (although, let's be honest, those people do exist). So it's fair to err on the side of positivity, and think that, at least when you start seeing each other, it isn't in any way their intention for things to end the way they do.

But if you find this happens to you repeatedly, it could be worth thinking about whether you're giving your own needs enough time and energy, as well. It can seem enormously romantic to be the person who 'fixes' someone's long-held problems, but unless you show them that you, too, have needs, and fears, and desires, you might find that the playing field becomes distinctly uneven.

And if they don't want to support you? Well. You decide how you feel about that one.

It's also important to remember that sometimes, regardless of how either of you act in the relationship, people are just not always meant to end up together, and, as Meldrew says, 'Perhaps somewhere, someone is being hyped up for [you].' Plus there's a certain smug comfort in knowing that, if it weren't for you, they may not have had a relationship at all.

Have you ever 'hyped' someone, only to find they settle down with someone else? Let us know all about it in the comments below.

Written by Sammi Cole/Lovehoney

Featured Image Credit: Pexels

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