'Hollyoaks' Actress Kirsty-Leigh Porter Pays Tribute To Stillborn Baby Girl

Hollyoaks' Kirsty Leigh-Porter has shared a moving letter on Instagram to her stillborn baby girl.

The soap actress announced the heartbreaking news that her baby, Penny-Leigh, was 'born sleeping' last month, and now Kirsty has penned a heartbreaking message for anyone who has gone through the pain of losing a child.

"I am posting this for Penny-Leigh, I am posting this for every single woman and man who have messaged me with their stories of their sleeping angels," wrote Kirsty. "I am posting this for anyone who needs to see it, I am posting this with strength that our babies will not be forgotten."

She continued: "My heart physically aches, it is in a million pieces and whilst they try to find their way back together it's no use as my heart will never be whole again, because when you left, a big piece of it left with you and will always be with you wherever you are.

"Nothing makes sense anymore because I can't hold you in my arms. I don't get to see your first smile, your first wriggle, I don't get to dress you, change your nappy, feed you, bath you, kiss you goodnight and hug you in the morning, watch you take your first steps, watch you grow, But I will always be your mummy. I will always do you proud."

Kirsty went on to discuss the overwhelming grief of losing a baby, writing: "As unbelievable grief consumes me and this dark cloud sticks above me, I still have your light to guide me. The brightest star in the sky.

"Oh my darling Penny-Leigh, my beautiful little girl, You came into our life like a whirlwind and now all of sudden it's gone. Quiet and still, completely numb. All our plans, our future, snatched away in a moment that we can never go back too and change.

"My mind can't comprehend how I have given birth yet my baby is not here with me. How is that ok? How is that ever going to be ok?

"People say "she was too good for this earth" but that would mean there was a reason you are not still here with your mummy and daddy, and I don't think there is any reason for it. How can being anywhere but in our arms better for you?"

Kirsty admitted "grief and guilt" had plagued her since losing Penny-Leigh.

"With the overwhelming grief comes GUILT. If I'm not a heap on the bathroom floor hiding myself away crying, I am wondering aimlessly around the room with GUILT," she wrote.

The Hollyoaks star and partner Paul Barber announced they were expecting in November. Last month, Kirsty shared the news that their baby was stillborn at 29 weeks and three days just before Christmas.

For support and advice on stillbirth and neonatal death, visit Sands.org here. For support and advice on miscarriage, visit Tommy's here.

Featured Image Credit: Instagram/Kirsty-Leigh Porter

Rachel Andrews

Rachel Andrews is an NCTJ trained Journalist at PRETTY52. She specialises in Fashion and Beauty Journalism, and has experience at a range of online and print publications and joined the team in 2017. Contact her - rachel.andrews@pretty52.com

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