Jasper Carrott. Golden Balls. Perfect late afternoon/early evening TV. Why the hell did it ever leave our screens?
Now we have the snakes on The Chase who take a massive minus offer and f*ck it up for everyone, but Golden Balls would bring out the worst in people on a very regular basis.
After watching the Love Island final, in which one half of the winning couple is given the chance to keep the £50,000 prize for themselves or split it with their partner, it got us thinking about the good old days of Golden Balls, and two contestants in particular.
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A quick debrief for those who didn't watch the incredible quiz show, in the final round you had the choice to split or steal the final pot, and every day people said they'd split to each other. Sometimes they were true to their word, sometimes they both tried to steal and you laughed at their greed, and... just sometimes... one would split, one would steal, and the thief went home with all the loot.
And here is the most horrendous, deplorable, snakey, treacherous, devious, perfidious action in the history of UK television.
With £100,150 in the pot, a humongous amount for the show, an act of betrayal greater than the Red Wedding occurred.
But who is the snake? Is it Stephen, or is it Sarah?
It's f*cking Sarah!
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Jasper Carrott says: "You will make a conscious choice of choosing the split or the steal ball."
The poor, poor man.
"I am definitely going to split this," he says. And he, my friends, was an honest, lovable, friendly, kind, legend. He wouldn't know deceit if it slapped him in the face until it slapped him in the face.
Sarah, however. Well...
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"Everyone who knew me would just be disgusted if I stole," she says.
Hands touch, it's intense, she's nearly teary. She lies. She breaks his heart. She breaks everyone's hearts.
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Credits: ITV
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THE CROWD WERE NOT F*CKING HAPPY (apart from one person who lets out some nervous laughter).
We're British, we should be trusted, we should be honest and dependable. This meant we all lost our identity that day.
Carrott states: "You never know what's coming in this game. Congratulations, Sarah, you have just won £100,150.
"Stephen, I'm so sorry. Commiserations, you've lost."
What did she have to say about it backstage?
"When Stephen revealed the split ball, I wasn't proud. I didn't feel happy about what I'd done but having been stabbed in the back last time I just couldn't put myself through it again."
Credit: ITV
LOOK AT THAT SMILE! SHE'S PLEASED!
Possibly the most perfunctory apology ever. And he didn't stab you in the back: he picked up the split ball.
TheLADbible considered contacting Sarah, but she's probably on a beach somewhere.
Let's hope Shakespeare got it right when he said in 'Cymbeline': "Though those who are betrayed do feel the treason sharply, yet the traitor stands in worse case of woe."
BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, BRING BACK GOLDEN BALLS!
Featured Image Credit: ITVTopics: TV News, TV Entertainment